Cleaning Baby Poop Like a Pro!

I have a new nickname amongst family — The SHITuation.

Somehow, whenever we have a baby poop incident, or frankly, explosion, I am called on to the scene to clean and control the poop mess.  I am the first line of defense in the field of diaper malfunction, because, well, who else if going to do it??

Example — It’s a quiet Sunday afternoon and I am making peanut butter banana smoothies as a surprise for my little girl who is about to wake up from her nap. Just as I am about to add a little chocolate sauce — don’t judge me! — my husband comes running into the kitchen frantic: “Drop everything, we have a code red poop situation upstairs.”

You can’t make this stuff up!

So I head upstairs, cool as a cucumber because at this point I’ve got it down…

1. Transport soiled child immediately to bath tub
2. Scrubbed child from head to toe.
3. Strip bed and all linens and place in plastic bag along with soiled clothes, stuffed animals and anything fabric.
4. Employ “hot” setting on washer and dryer for the next three hours, oh, and color-safe bleach
5. Wipe hard surface with Clorox wipes or good old soap & water depending on the job
6. Revisit child to make sure they are happy, rested and recovered from trauma of aforementioned.

Cake walk.

In all of this, my husband is my shit-cleaning assistant. He’s adorable — standing there helplessly panicked as I bark orders at him.  This scares him more than a four digit plunge in the S&P. But hey, at least he’s willing to try!

As for the #6 above, the smoothies incidentally turned out to be well-timed. What better way to comfort a child than with a yummy treat?

My brother, who was present to witness the shituation unfold, watched in disbelief as I vigorously washed my hands, added more chocolate sauce to my smoothie and sat down to enjoy it only moments later, as if nothing at all had happened. Seeing his face, I think to myself, “You won’t understand until it’s your own kid.”

Cleaning baby poop is a big (albeit smelly) part of parenting. It’s not that I am complaining, in fact, I am proud of the new skill set I have mastered.  Too bad I can’t list it on my resume 😉